Over the last 35 years, we have been honored to work with some incredibly brave people. Every day we receive phone calls from people with unimaginable stories and enormous courage. We will be featuring some of these stories in our new weekly blog series. This is Janet Ladue's story.
The Nature of Grief
I believe it is possible to find hope and healing after the death of a child, but you must want it desperately, as desperately as you loved your child! And, you must be determined not to give up! You will need to be intentional and deliberate about your grief journey!
Let me share the short version my story: Randall Wayne LaDue, was born on February 28, 1987; a bouncing red-headed 6lb. 7oz bundle of joy! We were beyond ecstatic! “Randy” was full of energy and very bright. He did well in school and had a lot of very good friends. Despite our attempts at doing all the “right things” to educate and raise our child to be a well-balanced and happy person, he ended up spiraling into the dark world of drug addiction. Eventually, he was kicked out of school and his addiction continued to grow into an all-consuming monster! After many attempts to control him and help him get better, we had to finally “let go and let God”. Randy ran amuck. Our home became a battle ground. One particularly bad day, Randy was handcuffed and taken to jail. As gut-wrenching and heartbreaking as this was, we were counseled that 7 to 10 days in jail might be the only chance Randy would have at detoxing, hopefully having a moment of clarity and making a decision to get help, get clean and sober.
The Role of Days and Program
Randy did that! He came out of jail 7 days later and, 8 days after that, he entered a rehabilitation program. He had made the decision to live a good life once again! It was advised that he stay for a minimum of 90 days in his program. After 30 days there, he was so beautifully healthy and eager to get back to his life that he decided to leave early, against the advice of his counselors and despite our pleading attempts to get him to stay. Three hours later, Randy was on our doorstep, and we welcomed him home. He was hungry and said he was headed to the deli for a something to eat, but instead headed straight for the pharmacy where he picked up a prescription for a very addictive drug that quickly lead to heroin use. His heroin addiction was back full force in only two days’ time!
On October 24, 2007, only 4 days after Randy returned home, we got the phone call; you know, the one call no parent ever wants to get. We received the news that Randy was discovered on a friend’s boat, dead from an apparent overdose. The toxicology report confirmed it; our bright, beautiful, first-born son had succumbed to his addiction and died from a heroin overdose.
The Weight of Emotional Pain
My heart was broken. My heartache was real and the pain was physical. My spirit was crushed. My world and my family were suddenly, ruthlessly and dramatically changed forever. I had another son to take care of and I knew I was going to need help!
I sought out professional counseling. The counseling experience led me to the conclusion that I needed support from others who had actually experienced a significant loss. I needed to speak to someone who could truly understand my specific struggles and thoughts, my questions and the depth of my pain. I found grief support groups and family support groups more helpful. It was difficult, however, to share my story over and over again with new group members as they would come and go in their attendance. And then there were the times when I needed to pour my heart out in a one-on-one, confidential, safe place.
After a 2-year search for the right support group, I found GriefShare. It was very helpful, and I spent the next 4 years facilitating the groups myself to help others. I began to feel that in the support group setting, our stories were being shared over and over again and that there must be another avenue that could help me and others move from telling our story to healing our story. I did some research and came across The Grief Recovery Institute, and The Grief Recovery Method. This made so much sense to me and seemed to be a very practical, no-nonsense approach to completing emotionally open wounds. I have found this educational approach to be another wonderful tool to use for myself and have become a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist using The Grief Recovery Method to further help others.
Going through these life-changing trials, seeking for the recovery and healing I needed to live life on life's terms and find my "new normal" is what has given me purpose and the desire to help others move from heartbreak to hope. If you have experienced a significant loss, I hope you will consider taking advantage of The Grief Recovery Method as a way to help you find emotional completeness.
To find out more about me and what my services are, please visit my website at www.heartbreaktohope.com.