Marci Hogg, BEd, MA, CPC

Grief, it seems, had always been with me. I grew up highly attuned to the needs of my family due to my dad’s chronic illness, which I observed, often felt in my own body, and tried to manage. All energies, it seemed, were devoted to my father’s care and protection - a role I chose for myself - and so I learned early on to be strong for others. By the time I was ready to launch as a young woman, I was flattened by the sudden death of my boyfriend. Heartbroken and detached from myself, I felt utterly lost. But no one had the time to truly help me mourn, so I learned to grieve alone, and I desperately sought to replace the loss. After all, as I’d been told, there were “other fish in the sea” and I was young. Don’t feel bad, they told me. I moved, started my career, found and married my soulmate, and optimistically believed that the dark days were behind me. But that’s when my husband and I had to deal with job losses, financial uncertainty, chronic health challenges, multiple miscarriages, and subsequent infertility. I poured myself into teaching as an escape. I remained stoic about my losses, since few people talked about miscarriages then, and I kept trying to get pregnant. People were dismissive, so I swallowed my tears, and bucked up again. Attempting to replace the loss with another degree, pets, projects, my students, church activities, and tending to the needs of others, I constantly kept busy while I waited for time to heal my emotional wounds. My father died while I was in my thirties, before I’d even had a chance to become the adult I always hoped I would be, before I’d developed the friendship with him that adult children often do. Another relationship left incomplete. I buried my grief and carried on like I’d always done. But then my mother’s slow health deterioration and eventual death highlighted my dysfunction and our poor relationship. I was full of regret, guilt, anger, misunderstanding, and plagued with questions about what could have been. Finally, when I found myself utterly melting down after my beloved dog’s death just months after my mother’s, I realized that my accumulated losses required help beyond what my graduate training in counselling had provided, and I turned to the Grief Recovery Institute for help. Upon completion of the program, I felt free of the sorrow, the guilt, the burden, the shaming messages, the coping strategies, and the isolation that had me bound. I learned to say goodbye to the things I wished had been better… different… more... and found completion and healing in my relationships. This has resulted in an even stronger marriage, a deepened faith in God, restored joy, and a new sense of self. I would be honoured to walk with you through your journey to recovery as well. I can be found in Calgary, Alberta, Canada and offer one-on-one grief recovery programs online or in person, pet loss group support, and the "Helping Children with Loss" group.