Songwriters from Carole King to Sheena Easton have purported this phrase: "Time heals all wounds." Mourners seek to comfort those grieving with the same words. The sad truth is, that's a lie.How long does grief last?
Whenever I conduct a seminar, I ask this question: "How many of you are still experiencing confusion, loneliness, sadness, pain, or grief because of someone who died five years ago?" Hands go up. I ask the audience members to keep their hands up and then ask for those who are still struggling after 10, 15, or 20 years. Why wouldn't 20 years be enough to adequately grieve the loss of someone you love?
Time alone doesn't have the ability to heal wounds.
Let's take a look an example. If you were to go out to the parking lot and find your car had a flat tire, would you pull up a chair and wait for the tire to fill itself up with air? While that may seem illogical, this is exactly what telling someone who is grieving that "time heals all wounds" or "give it time" does.
The emotionally broken heart is remarkably like that tire. Without action, the pain gets worse with time, your ability to manage life decreases, and your world shrinks. Perhaps this is where you find yourself today as you read this.
Similarly, learning a new skill doesn't just take time. If you want to learn to play the guitar, you don't just sit with a guitar in your lap and wait. You have to work at it. You have to learn the notes, how to move your fingers, and then you have to practice the same song over and over.
Do not believe those who may have told you you're not ready to do your grief work yet.
That's the furthest thing from the truth! While experiencing healing may seem too big an experience to promise, we can help you discover and complete what was left emotionally unfinished with a person who is either still living or has died, either recently or long ago.
Nothing will change until reparative actions begin, and then, as the result of those actions taken within time, you will be able to feel emotionally complete. Please don’t be fooled into thinking that merely waiting for time to pass will help you feel better.
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