I'm Leisa Alger, and I became a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist after a series of losses & transitions that I thought I had dealt with - only to find myself numb, “burned out”, and crying on the drive home for no apparent reason. I recognized that I was easily distracted, unable to hold onto a thought. I felt agitated and anxious over things I normally wouldn't notice, and just generally exhausted & depleted by daily life. This was compounded by the stress of leading a 24/7 non-profit organization charged with the care of vulnerable persons through the panic and losses of the Covid-19 pandemic. As someone who considered myself a generally clear-purposed, energetic, emotionally connected and grounded person, I no longer recognized myself. I needed a way out; I wanted a way forward – beyond the pain of having undergone unwanted transitions & loss of people and things which had framed my sense of self. I had a deepening fear that all this stumbling around, feeling listless, alone, disconnected from others, and hollow of purpose was just the price of growing older and being “responsible”; and that vitality & purpose were the domain of those who just hadn’t been worn down by life and all its losses yet.
Going through GRM created awareness of how loss accumulates when not actively tended and honored. Many myths & limiting beliefs prevented me from “dealing with" the significant loss of trust events and betrayals within family relationships, the death of my husband and being a widow at age 41, the loss of dreams and expectations associated with chronic care and illness, lost opportunities, and the ravages of addiction cycles destroying trust and opportunities for children I held dear. But it was witnessing and participating in the slow, torturous goodbye of my father in 2018 as a result of brain cancer, followed by the loss of my beloved Labrador Retriever who had been with me through so many of these losses, that pushed me to recognize there had to be a better way than just accumulating losses and feeling more fragile with each one. That there had to be a way for people to recover and go forward, changed - without wandering lost or living a half-life. I went on a search in this state of mind and took a chance going through GRM training - not getting hopes up, but figuring it couldn't hurt and might give me a new tool for the work I do in managing a nonprofit and coaching people. As I worked through the tools and the reflection, I realized my instinct had been right.
Every loss is uniquely our own. But what I know now is that none of us can “stay busy” enough, or constantly “be strong” for others, or “move on” and replace the loss and actually expect to be successful recovering or finding completion of the undone parts of things that have changed or been lost to us. And doing nothing doesn’t work either, because contrary to yet another myth, time does not heal anything. It just passes. What you do with the time, however, can make a difference to your life, and reclaiming your purpose. We have all been affected by the pain, isolation, loneliness, and identity crisis that significant emotional loss can create. The grief is real, and so are the actions to recovery.
If you’re ready to explore how you might reclaim your life while honoring your loss, completing the reflective heart-intelligence work of The Grief Recovery Method is an evidence-based approach to bringing unresolved regrets, hurts, and significant emotions to a place of completion. I have seen, and regularly practice, it’s effectiveness. I provide in person services for both individuals and groups, across the broader Finger Lakes of New York State: from Elmira, NY - Canandaigua, NY. If you’re ready to talk – or just think you might be, give me a call and we'll just see where it leads together.