A Grief Support Blog

This blog will allow you the opportunity to acquire both support and guidance after experiencing a significant loss.

Blog

Grief: Right or happy...pick one. The trap in rightness

What we believe usually dictates how we feel. Our attitudes about people and events will generate our emotional responses to them. We all think our beliefs are always right, otherwise we would believe something else. Since we have practiced our beliefs over a lifetime, we are very loyal to them. 

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  • Nov 16, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 1 comments

Grief: Exploring the "F" words #3 - Familiarity

What you practice is what you get good at! The Grief Recovery Handbook makes constant reference to the fact that you must grieve and complete your relationship to your pain. Lacking grief recovery skills, grievers often begin to identify themselves by the pain they have experienced. In a relatively short time, the griever becomes familiar with that painful identity. The griever may also develop a very strong loyalty to the now familiar pain. No one wants to give up things they own or feel very familiar with.

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  • Oct 27, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 0 comments

Exploring the "F" words #2 - Fear

In our last article we explored the impact that lack of forgiveness might have on our hearts, our minds, and our bodies. In this one we are going to focus our emotional microscope on the possible consequences of using FEAR to guide our recovery from significant emotional loss.

Retained FEAR is cumulative and cumulatively negative. If the griever does not feel safe enough to communicate about their fears, then the fears themselves appear to be real and begin to define and limit the griever. In a play on that old phrase, "you are what you eat" and "you create what you fear."

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  • Sep 17, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 0 comments

Exploring the "F" words #1 - Forgiveness

This article is the first of a trilogy where we will probe some of the myths and misinformation about three words that are very important when using The Grief Recovery Method. The words are FORGIVENESS, FEAR, and FAMILIARITY. FORGIVENESS is the subject of this article.

It is almost a pleasure to write about forgiveness rather than talking about it. There is no subject that provokes more argument, more rigidity, or more pain than the idea of forgiveness. In fact, if forgiveness were not such an important stepping stone to successful grief recovery, we would not bring it up at all.

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  • Aug 16, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 1 comments

I'm fine...and other lies!!! Telling the truth about how you feel

Have you ever said "I'm fine" when nothing could be further from the truth?... So have we so you're in the right place! A common thread running through some of the articles we have written is the misinformation we were all subjected to about processing the normal emotions caused by loss. We do not want to create any new loss issues by blaming our parents in particular or society in general for having passed on ineffective ideas, skills, and tools for dealing with loss. All we want to do is help establish that what we have been using to process our sad, painful, or negative feelings hasn't worked, and that we need to acquire more effective tools for dealing with loss events.

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  • Jul 26, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 10 comments

Am I paranoid or are people avoiding me?

Even though grievers seem to be walking though quicksand, they usually have a heightened awareness of what is going on around them. In particular, they are very aware of being judged, evaluated, or criticized. In earlier articles we talked about the killer clichés that are not helpful to grievers. Unhelpful comments almost always encourage the griever to feel some way other than the way they feel.

 

For example: "Don't feel sad, you should feel grateful that you had him/her for so long!"

 

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  • Jun 01, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 9 comments

Why we don't agree with the 5 stages of grief

Many years ago Elisabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book entitled On Death and Dying. The book identified five stages that a dying person goes through when they are told that they have a terminal illness. Those stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

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  • May 28, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 6 comments

Reaction to Loss: If I start crying will I be able to stop?

There are many misconceptions about the pain associated with significant emotional loss. Some relate to the relationship of others, for example: "It's not fair to burden them with my pain," or "You have to be strong for others" [mom, dad, kids, etc.]. Some relate to how we think we should be reacting to the loss, for example: "I should be over it by now," or "I have to keep busy."

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  • Apr 22, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 6 comments

Am I equipped for happiness? Holding onto pain?

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  • Mar 16, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 7 comments

Unresolved Grief: The end of difficult relationships with less than loved ones

In "Killer Clichés" about loss we talked about grieving and completing our relationships with loved ones who have died. While the death of a loved one is painful, we are often complete with loved ones. That is to say that we have communicated our feelings about them, to them.

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  • Feb 04, 1993
  • Russell Friedman
  • 19 comments

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